1News' Andrew Macfarlane shares his thoughts on New Zealand's "so-called conversion therapy ban".
Tonight marks a significant moment for New Zealand’s rainbow communities.
Read more: Conversion practices ban passes in Parliament
More than three and a half years ago, I was a junior reporter at Television New Zealand, when I was asked by a Sunday producer whether I wanted to participate in an investigation into the practice.
I was given the opportunity to go undercover and meet with people in New Zealand who were claiming to convert people from gay to straight.
Over the period of several weeks, I met with at least three different people who were purporting to effectively “pray the gay away”.
My undercover name was “Jay”, and I was equipped with hidden cameras and a microphone.
It was an eye-opening experience.
I think it’s critically important to note here that my experiences attending ‘conversion therapy’ were strictly for the purposes of investigating the practice. In reality those who’ve been sent along by family, or forced by members of a church, have it much worse. My experiences are nothing compared to those who have been through, and survived this archaic practice.
In many instances, these so-called therapists do not have training. They are people operating on a misguided belief that there’s something inherently wrong with being anything other than straight or cisgender.
During the 2018 Sunday story, Ryan Curran explained his tug-of-war between religion and sexuality, after a Christian counsellor told him he could be “healed from this disease.”
While he walked away from the church, the impacts of those meetings stayed with him.
A few months later, alone, Curran came out as a gay man online. That same night, he tried to kill himself.
"I woke up the next morning, I'm in, I'm in the psych unit, and all I did was cry and cry and cry for the next two weeks because, one, I didn't succeed, and two, because I just knew my life at that moment was the worst that it's ever, ever been," he said.
Even as someone who is confident in his sexuality, I found the sessions confronting. Over the period of these 30-minute meetings, I was told my sexuality was immoral, and a sign that something had gone horribly wrong in my past.
These meetings occurred in cafes, or in the back room of a boxing gym. It was easy to feel intimidated. There was a distinct power imbalance between “therapist” and “patient”.
During one session, I was asked whether I’d been sexually assaulted, as that was possibly where my ‘condition’ all started.
In another meeting I was told: "Your attraction can absolutely be changed. We need to rewire your brain, and it is completely doable."
This same counsellor explained that by having gay sex, I would do irreparable damage to my body.
There is no medical evidence to back up this claim.
Another person told me: "No one is born that way and so if that's the case, it must be possible to change.”
After each meeting I would come away drained, with my confidence shaken.
I remember after one particularly gruelling day, I immediately went home to lay on my bed in a dark room, and cried.
TVNZ was great and offered support off the back if I needed it, but I can’t even imagine what it’d be like if you were going into these sessions, still trying to get to grips with your sexuality or gender identity.
While some campaigners have warned this legislation doesn’t go far enough, it is still a massive step forward, and should be celebrated.
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