OPINION:
MONDAY
"Silence for Her Honour, the Queen's Judge," said the stable boy. "All rise!"
"Hello, mother," sighed the accused.
The judge glared at him as she gathered her robes around her and sat down with all
due dignity at a picnic table.
"Please be seated," said the stable boy.
The accused and co-accused sat on the ground.
"Move a little further away," said the judge.
The accused and co-accused slid backwards on the straw.
"A little further."
The accused sighed.
"Further."
They sat at the back of the stables.
"Good," said the judge. "I want to be as distanced from you as possible. Now. Let's get down to business. You decided on a nice little getaway during level 4 lockdown to the family home in Wānaka. Stupid boy. As for you…"
"Leave her out of this, mother."
"You will address Her Honour as Your Honour," said the stable boy.
"Oh shut up," said the accused.
"He will not shut up," said the judge. "You will. Now. I take it your QC has applied for name suppression."
"Yes."
The stable boy glared at him.
"Yes, Your Honour," sighed the accused.
"But you simply must face the music," said the judge. "As must we all."
The stables went quiet. No one spoke as the gravity of the situation sunk in. A horse looked over the stall at the gathering, and dropped its load.
TUESDAY
The judge released a statement: "Like the rest of New Zealand, I was appalled to learn of my son William and his partner's actions over the weekend. In addition, I was and am highly embarrassed. Had I known of their intentions, which of course I did not, I would have told them not to act so thoughtlessly and selfishly. I do not condone their conduct.
"I understand that William and Hannah are no longer seeking suppression of their names. I support this decision."
The accused and co-accused released a statement: "The decision that we took to travel to Wānaka last week was completely irresponsible and inexcusable. We are deeply sorry for our actions and would like to unreservedly apologise to the Wānaka community, and to all the people of Aotearoa New Zealand, for what we did.
"We understand that strict compliance is required to stamp out Covid-19 from our country. We have let everyone down with our actions, and we wholeheartedly apologise."
The stable boy went into the stalls, picked up horse manure with his pitchfork, and shook it into a wheelbarrow.
WEDNESDAY
The accused dreamed he was a boy. It was Christmas. He dreamed his parents gave him the South Island. "I like this toy," he said.
THURSDAY
A reporter asked the judge for comment.
The stable boy released the hounds.
FRIDAY
News report, Wānaka Sun newspaper: "Wānaka has a mystery to solve. Who is the well-meaning person leaving positive advice written on stone in the town centre?
"Wānaka Sun publisher Aaron Heath is among those who would love to know. He found two of the messages outside Wānaka and Aspiring pharmacies on Helwick St this morning – and a quick check around a deserted town centre revealed more on the corner of Helwick St and Dunmore St.
"The messages include, 'Live your best life', 'Don't take anything personally' and 'Be impeccable with your words.'
"'Whoever left the stones was up early,' Aaron said. 'I would love to know who is behind it. Someone is giving us some light relief in lockdown.'"